Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
