Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
