You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
