Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
