I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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