Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
