i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize