peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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