Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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