My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
