words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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