I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
