haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
