Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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