im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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