the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
