This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
