We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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