By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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