You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
