He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
