Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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