I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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