You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize