I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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