im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
