Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
