Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize