I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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