i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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