If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
