I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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