I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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