I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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