Have you finally orgasmed yet?
"it" just moved
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
