i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
