hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His hands were made for my vagina.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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