My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize