You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
