I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i dont even know how to be here
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize