I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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