We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
