I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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