but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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