I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sext me about skeletons
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
