Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
