Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
