Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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