Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
