I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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