Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
