my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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