i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
