i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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