he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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