You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
