I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
