If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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