we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When are your genitals available?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize