I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
