I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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