I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
