fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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