My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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