In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
