someone threw a dead crab at me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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