I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize