is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
