i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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