You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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