Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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