I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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