im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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